Still in Bangkok, Headed to Hanoi in few hours

We are still in bangkok for about 2 more hours. It is 3:30 Am but I can not sleep because I am so nauseous. Stomach is a bit better but not 100%. I have such a sensitive stomach I knew this would happen but I expected to at least make it off the airplane before it started.

Today in Bangkok was nice. We hired a tour guide for a 3 hour tour of the Buddhist temples . In Indonesia 95% of population is Buddhist. We saw a huge cement Buddha that was moved from the mountains and during transportation cement was cracked and they found solid gold Buddha inside.We also saw the largest reclining Buddha. It was inside 7 huge pagodas all put together. I could barely get a picture of the entire thing. Thailand people are so nice. They want to know why we do not adopt baby boy from Thailand. I said maybe we come back in a few years. "Nancy" our tour guide kept trying to get me to rub a fertility symbol. She thought we were adopting because we could not conceive. I kept telling her NO we choose to adopt. She did not understand why we would adopt 2 babies if we could conceive. I finally told her No we adopt lots of babies but no more birthing babies for me. She kept insisting but I would not touch that symbol. I said NO WAY. So many children in this world need homes no need for me to conceive more.

My Husband had a double breasted suit,6 shirts hand, and 2 ties made by a tailor. It was really cool. You would never get that kind of service in America. They were measuring him then 10 hours later the Suit and shirts are ready to go. Beautiful workmanship. He got to pick the material and colors. Fits like a glove. Only $411. I figured we did not pay the extra $1000 to upgrade airplane seats so we deserved to spend it. I wonder what I will get with the extra $$$????

We are on to Hanoi in a few hours. We have just got confirmation G&R will be Oct 31st not the 29th like I was originally told. 2 more extra days of waiting before I see their sweet faces. I can barely stand the wait. We did not get either of the Hotels we wanted. I am really bummed about this. Hopefully something will open up.

All these changes to the I-600 have me worried. WC says don't worry they will not effect us but I am not so sure. We will not beat the Oct 26th deadline. I heard a lot of agencies had stopped sending clients until further notice so I questioned WC before we left but they said everything was pretty much rumor and they had not been advised to stop sending clients. I hope this turns out to be the right choice on WC part.

Next time you hear from me I will be in Hanoi. This is so unbelievable. I do not think I will truly believe it is going to happen until I have them in my arms. I hope the next 4 days fly by.

We are In Bangkok !!!

Well it is Friday 12:00 midnight. We arrived in Bangkok at 6:00 Pm on Thursday. The flight on Thai airways straight from JFK to Bangkok was very nice but LONG. I thought it would never end. Not looking forward to that flight home with the babies.

We had decided to stay in Bangkok for the night before finishing the rest of the Journey to Hanoi. I am so glad we did because something I ate or drank so far did not agree with me. After a hour Taxi ride from the Airport we made it to the The royal orchid Sheraton on the canal. Beautiful 5 star Hotel on the canal. We I walk in the door and run to the bathroom and start throwing up and haven't stopped. We did not even get to leave the room and go get dinner or see any sights. It is now midnight and I am not feeling quite as queasy. I am hoping to recover by morning. We are scheduled to go sight seeing to the Buddhist temples in the Morning. We are trying to extend our stay in Bangkok a day or two. First the Agency told us all the hotels in Hanoi we wanted are booked and second we have been told our G&R will not take place until Tues, Wed or Thursday. I was originally told Monday. Not sure I can be that close to the babies for so long and not see them. Anyways Bangkok looks so exciting and it would be nice to do some sight seeing.

Better go now stomach is turning again. Thank god I made it past the flight and Taxi.

I just want to remind any of you who have not participated in the magazine fund raiser but wanted to that I am almost in Hanoi. Please place your orders now. We have reached 77% of our goal. Remember they have Adoptive families and Hundreds of other magazines. Send some as a Christmas present. People will love them and it will also benefit the children left behind in OUR children's orphanages. Please show some compassion towards these children that are not as fortunate as our own and will not be returning home with a forever family.
http://www.magfundraising.com/Adoption_of_Thompson_Twins

5 days to Go !!!

We almost have our plans finalized. We had to push them back 1 day. We will be leaving Tuesday evening and taking the Train into NYC. We will be spending the night in NYC then flying out of JFK early Wednesday morning. We have a 17.5 hour flight straight to Bangkok. We will arrive in Bangkok on Thursday evening. We plan on spending the night in Bangkok. We hope to see some sights. Early Friday we will get up and finish the trip from Bangkok to Hanoi,Vietnam. We should arrive in Hanoi Friday evening. This will give us a little bit of time to recover and shop for the other children in the orphanage,with the proceeds from our fundraiser, before we head to Lang son to get our children.

We were told our G&R would be Monday the 29th but another family was told Wednesday the 31st(Halloween). I did pray all along we would have them by Halloween. Of course that was supposed to be all of us home for Halloween with the other children. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I am really going to miss Halloween with my 4 year old this year. It is a shame, In order to get one child you must also leave another. My heart breaks to leave my other children for so long.

It is now 5 days until we are on our way. Unbelievable. It was so long waiting but now I can't believe it is actually happening.

I am a nervous wreck because of all the NOIDs issued lately. I am trying to get in the right mindset but it is hard. It makes me so nervous. I just want to enjoy my time in Vietnam but this is like a dark cloud hanging over our Journey. The possibility that after a year I will finally get my babies and then someone could just as easily in a few weeks snatch them away again is terrifying. How are you supposed to bond under these circumstances? Heck, How are you supposed to breath?

I had the best dream last night. I had my son. He was beautiful. He was smiling and we were playing. He was so happy and so was I. I do not know where my Daughter was. I think they gave him to us a couple days in advance. It was one of those dreams you think please don't wake up.

I found out the circumstances of my children's relinquishment by their birth parents. It was very heart wrenching. I cried and cried. It became very real when I read those words. 2 totally different circumstances for each child but still the same outcome. The 25 year old unwed Mother I understood but the 40 year old Married couple is the one that got me. In order for me to gain these 2 children somebody had to lose them. Imagine. The day of the G&R is going to be so hard. To meet those birth parents and see such sorrow and loss while I am feeling so much happiness and gain. What a emotional situation. I honestly do not look forward to it.

I am so humbled by this whole experience. I expect more of that in the next few weeks. I am learning many lessons through this experience and I know I am growing as a human being. I will be a better person on the other side of his journey, no doubt. My life will be changed forever.

Insta-Attachment and Other Adoption Myths

Why the dreams we hold on to while waiting for our child can sometimes prevent us from seeing our child's reality clearly.
September 12, 2007/ Dawn Greer Choate

I let out a long, deep sigh as I re-read the words in my inbox again and again. It’s not that it was the first time I had heard those very same words. It’s not that I judged the family who spoke them, knowing I would have written the same a few short years ago. But the pang I felt in the back of my heart and the lump in my throat was for the little girl they were describing. Despite the words of bliss, despite their descriptions of a perfect adjustment, my heart sank as I could envision her face before me. I knew what her eyes would look like if only I could see them. I knew what expression she would have on her face. I knew because I have seen it before. And now I know what it means.


I had received the glowing report in my inbox from a friend of a relative who had just come home with their beautiful new daughter only 7 weeks prior. “She is bonding with everyone! Family, friends, neighbors, people at church! She is just adjusting so quickly and bonding to everyone she meets!” This particular report was really quite similar to many I hear early on. She was doing “so well”, “adjusting great”, and was “better than they could have ever expected”. It is the report our families, friends, co-workers, and even agencies hope and expect to hear from us. Everyone is waiting for the “he/she is all we ever dreamed of” and “it is as if he/she has always been with us”. These are the words everyone waiting to bring a child home reads on the blogs of families who have gone before and prays they will be able to write.


Insta-Attachment. Psychologists and anthropologists have noted for decades that our society is especially vulnerable to the temptations of insta-everything. We are used to it, after all. Everything is fast, easy, convenient. We hate waiting in lines, despise slow drivers, and adore our internet as long as it comes in high speed. We think we are immune to that constant drive for speed and convenience in the adoption world because we wait so long through endless paperwork to bring our children home. We herald the “lesson we have learned in patience” as we agonize through the trials of the paper pregnancy. But that is where so many draw the line. Once our child is home, that is the end of the waiting, right? They are going to be placed in our arms and our waiting is over! Hurray!! The end of our trials and tribulations and now our joy can begin!


The problem is that for your child, they are not in the joyous epilogue of a long novel finally reaching the glorious conclusion as you think you are. They are still in the introduction of a brand new book, one that includes chapters they have never heard of called “Living with a Family”, “Welcome to a Mom and Dad that Look Nothing Like You!”, “A Few Strangers in Your Life Would Now Like to Kiss and Hold You Endlessly” and “So This is America??”. In the midst of all of this is the greatest myth of all. Insta-attachment.


Children do not bond in a week. People do not learn to trust in a day, a week, or even a month. A child who is living in a strange land with strange looking people who speak an even stranger language cannot possibly learn in a short period of time what it means to be loved by a family, what a mom and a dad even are there for, what it means to be a sister or brother, and that all of these strange people can be trusted to never leave them again, never harm them, and navigate them through the twists and turns of life. We want so much to believe in Insta-Attachment because, truthfully, it makes us feel better. The wait has already been so long for us, we sacrificed so much to get here, and the last thing we want to face is the possibility that our work is not done once we reach what we thought was the end of the road, the fulfillment of the goal. Sometimes we are willing to accept a few hours of grief, a few days of the child’s emotional walls, a few weeks of sleepless nights. But we certainly don’t want to face the chance that perhaps those few tears, a night terror or two, and the struggles with sibling relationships might last longer than a week or two. Or, even harder to face, is the possibility that even though our child seems to be doing well, their actions may be masking the true grief and trauma that so many adopted children hide deep in their hearts.


And this is where the temptation to ignore the unspoken signs of trauma and grief in our children steps in. We want so much to believe they are adjusting quickly that we interpret signs that actually are warning signs something is not right as signs that our child is doing really well. When our daughter reaches her hands out and lets anyone hold her, we beam with pride that she is so social. When our son falls apart on the floor because we asked him to do a simple task, we say he must be really opinionated. When our kids run around at an event, wandering in and out of strangers without concern for the location of a parent, we say they must really like parties. When our child plays alone on the floor for long periods of time without a need to be entertained, we are grateful we got one of the “easy kids”.


Attachment is not instant. Bonding takes time…a long time. And even if your child is pleasant and calm with you from day one, plays with you and hugs you, lets you hold her and seems to get along with everyone, it is simply a matter of common sense that what the child is experiencing in those early months is not and cannot possibly be attachment to you. Even if the child has the opposite reaction and cries every time you leave the room, it is still not defined as true attachment. When we were in China picking up our second daughter, she cried the first time I tried to hold her but by the next day she screamed if I was not in her sight. This was not because she somehow miraculously attached to me overnight (though that would have been nice to believe!). She simply had figured out a major change was about to happen in her life and that I somehow was the next person in line to provide her some tiny amount of security so she was going to latch on and not let go! This does not mean she suddenly loved me, trusted me, or even liked me for that matter. It was a matter of survival. Her instincts kicked in and she knew that her safety and future depended on clinging to me.


We are now weeks away from bringing home our 5th child, our 3rd adopted child. We have had the privilege of visiting him twice. Though by week’s end on both visits he was clinging to me and watching my every move, I am not fooled. My heart would love to believe this baby has decided I am his mother, thrown himself in my arms and shunned all others to choose me. But I have seen his eyes. I know what his eyes say that his actions sometimes belie. He does not trust me yet. He does not love me yet. How could he possibly? Though my heart wants to believe I can spend the months and years to bring a child home that will run into my arms and realize I am their family forever now, I am now a little more cognizant of the impossibility of that expectation on a child.


So how do you create attachment in a child if it is not instant? You build it, one brick at a time. Sometimes you even have to break down the faulty foundation that was created before you ever received your child, and then build a new foundation one brick at a time. If your child seems content, seems “okay”, seems social, seems to “fit right in”, look past the surface behaviors and do not let the survival instincts of children fool you into thinking their past has not affected them and that they are rubber balls who can be bounced around yet simply bounce right back. Do not just move on with your life as if your work is done. Stay with your child. Give some things up. Spend time playing, holding and talking to your child. Do not let your child push you away, manipulate you with shallow behaviors or place any other friend, relative or caregiver above you. You have the right as the parent to ask questions, challenge your child emotionally, and insist on being the first love of their life.


You are not a failure as a parent to admit your child home for even a year still does not show preference for you. Your child is not “less than” other adopted children because he does not appear as adjusted as other adopted children whose parents glowed, “This was a perfect adoption!” Do not believe in Insta-Attachment. It is a fairytale that ultimately prevents you from really seeking out the deepest part of your child’s heart and searching for true healing instead of proper behaviors. It is worth the search. It may take much longer than you had hoped for, your emails to family and friends may be lacking in the instant gratification. But the long, slow simmer of true attachment in the end is stronger, more deeply satisfying, and more healing. Do not look for the easy path. Look for the road less traveled. Be willing to take another journey of patience even after the paperwork is done and your child is home. Do not close the book. Begin a new one. It is worth the effort. It is worth the wait. Your child is waiting for someone who is willing to take the time and energy to write it for them. Insta-Attachment is one fairytale your child can do without.


Dawn Greer Choate and her husband are the parents of 5 children, including 2 daughters born in China and one son born in Guatemala. In 2005, the Choates launched Healing Hannah, a resource to educate parents on issues related to attachment and emotional healing in the adopted child. Dawn is an ordained minister, author, speaker, and a co-owner with her husband of a computer/software business. For more information, please visit www.healinghannah.com and www.fishersofwomen.com

Rainbowkids.com

WE GOT THE CALL

I just got the call to get our Visa for G&R Oct 29. I am so happy. This is a long time coming. Thank you all for your thoughts and support. This is positive that things are still moving along in light of all that has happened. Please keep is in your thought and prayers as we continue on this Journey.

Boost morale

I decided I better get my butt in gear. If I am going to travel at the end of the month I should get my call to get visa this week. I finally ordered a crib and assembled it this weekend. I also went and bought 2 rocking recliners. One for upstairs and one for downstairs. I will post pictures after I get it set up they way I love. I wonder how I got through having 3 kids without these things? They seem like a necessity this time. I guess it's different when your having two. Oh my gosh, I am having two!!!

I had to boost my morale this weekend. It has been a crappy week. It felt good to do something to prepare for the babies. It makes it seem a little more real. I tried to imagine them sleeping in the crib but I still can't imagine it. I hope it is soon.

Sad, Sad Day

I am totally disgusted today. Some pretty bad things have gone down lately. Some people are being truly hurt by this thing we call International adoption. Adoption should be a wonderful thing right. It should be about adding a child to your family and the extra bonus is your helping that child escape from a life of extreme poverty. Right? That is what I thought. I thought this would be such a wonderful journey full of wonderful moments; well not so. This has been a Journey full of one disappointment after another. A journey of heartbreak and censorship. I thought I was doing something good for the world and our family but I am not so sure anymore. That is all I wanted to do was something good for my family and 2 orphans. Why must this be so hard?

All of you considering International adoption think long and hard. If you decide you are in for the roller coaster ride of your life, Choose your Agency CAREFULLY. You will shed more tears then you could ever think was possible. You will reach all time lows that will hopefully end in all time highs but who knows, nothing is guaranteed. What a screwed up system.

I have no idea what lies ahead of me. I have hope that my children will be coming home at the end of the month. I have been been waiting almost 19 weeks so you would think so right? Not so. I am definitely not as sure as I was 2 weeks ago. A lot has happened in these last 2 weeks. I will never be the same if my children do not come home. I can not even think about that. I will never rest if that happens.

Wash clothes before wearing

Thanks Blog Buddy for this little bit of news.


Poison found in kids' clothes from China By KAREN ARNOLD - Sunday Star Times Sunday, 19 August 2007

Poison in children's clothing is emerging as the latest health risk from China.
TV3's Target programme will this week detail how scientists found formaldehyde in woollen and cotton clothes at levels 500 times higher than is safe.
It questions why there are no New Zealand safety standards for clothes.
National Poisons Centre spokesman Dr John Fountain told the Sunday Star-Times the testing had highlighted an area where little was known in New Zealand about the effects tainted clothing would have on people.
However, international research supported by the World Health Organisation shows exposure to formaldehyde in concentrations of 20 parts per million (ppm) can cause eye, skin and nasal irritations, respiratory problems, asthma and cancer.
The European Union limits formaldehyde residues in children's clothes to a maximum of 30ppm. The chemical is used to give a permanent press effect to clothes.
Consumers are advised to wash and air all clothes before they are worn for the first time.
Target producer Simon Roy said a variety of new clothes were tested, including a girl's top, school shorts, a Spiderman T-shirt, and pyjamas. Adult clothing was also tested. Roy said the results were so astounding the AgriQuality scientists thought they had made a mistake. "Our results were shocking, ranging from 230ppm to 18,000ppm.
This is almost unbelieveable. Some of the clothes Target tested have a reading 900 times the level that actually causes harm."
But the potential harm wasn't limited to formaldehyde or clothing made in China.
Four children's garments were tested for their ph level, which measures acidity or alkalinity. Levels outside 4 to 7.5 on the scale can damage skin. Two items, a pair of pants and a girl's top, had ph levels above 7.5. Roy said garments made in New Zealand with imported Chinese fabrics also contained chemicals such as harmful dyes that did not wash out or wear off the way formaldehyde did. That included clothes from top-end designer labels. Buying Kiwi-made or expensive brands was no safety net for consumers, he said.
Europe had banned 22 aromatic amine dyes which were known carcinogens. But Target investigations showed 10pc of clothes tested in China contained them and, once again, New Zealand had no regulations about what it accepted into the country.
Auckland mother Raewyn Rasch said the findings were horrifying.
She told the Star-Times her son bought four pairs of trousers labelled 100pc cotton. But even after washing, each pair caused a rash round his middle. Rasch thought formaldehyde could be a cause after she read about toxins in clothing. "What really annoys me is that, for mothers, kids are always coming up with scratches and marks and rashes. You ask them what they've been eating and where they've been. You wouldn't expect it to be the clothes they're wearing."
New Zealand consumers deserved protection and needed to know about the dangers they and their children were exposed to, she said.
Details of the unsafe clothing and its risks follow a global recall this month of millions of Mattel toys, also made in China and deemed unsafe. Sanitarium is now getting its peanut butter made in Australia rather than China because of consumer concerns, and last month a toothpaste made in China was recalled after it was found to contain a toxin used in anti-freeze.
Green MP Sue Kedgley said New Zealand risked becoming a dumping ground for unsafe imports, some of which China itself regulated against.
"I believe it is so serious it demands a parliamentary investigation of our complete lack of consumer protection for most products in New Zealand. Technically they are supposed to comply with the Consumer Guarantees Act but how would anyone know if it's being systematically breached when no one is looking or doing any monitoring?"

Help me bring the children HOPE

Please help support my fundraiser for the children of Vietnam. It is a Magazine (Renewals and New Subscriptions) fundraiser. 40% of each magazine purchase will go directly to the children in Vietnam. Win/Win situation, You get your favorite magazines and the children get the basic necessities that they are lacking. I personally am going to take the proceeds to Vietnam in a few weeks and I am going to purchase much needed items for the children. I will deliver the items to the children in the orphanages. I will take lots of pictures and post them so everyone who participates can see what a difference they have made. $15-20 is not much for us but it can make such a difference for a child in an orphanage in a third world country. Sometimes oppurtunities like this are all it takes to give a child hope. I would love to see HOPE on the faces of these children. Please help me bring these children hope.
Here is the link:http://www.magfundraising.com/Adoption_of_Thompson_Twins

Tips on Bonding with an adoptive child

From ABC123VN(via L)
Dos & Don’ts for Family & Friends
Do
1. Offer household help (running errands, preparing meals that can go right from the freezer to the oven, etc.) so the mother can spend more time holding the child.
2. Trust the mother’s instincts. Even a first time mother may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to “normal” behavior.
3. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the mother to see and understand.
4. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.
5. Allow the parents to be the center of the baby’s world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.
6. Tell the baby every time you see him what a good/loving/safe mommy he has.
7. When the parents need someone to care for the baby for a night out, offer to babysit in the child’s home. (After the child has been home for a substantial period of time.)
8. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the baby looks like he really wants to be with Grandma, for example, he needs to have a strong attachment to his parents first. Something as simple as passing the baby from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a baby who is not “attached” can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents’ requests.
9. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
10. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many babies do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!
Don’t1. Assume an infant is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment. Babies are not immune.
2. Underestimate a new mother’s instincts that something isn’t right.
3. Judge the mother’s parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
4. Make excuses for the child’s behaviors or try to make the mother feel better by calling certain behaviors “normal”. For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.
5. Accuse the mother of being overly sensitive or neurotic. She is in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.
6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You may be asked not to hold the baby for more than a minute. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the baby who his mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child’s experience has been that mommies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the baby before he has accepted his forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.
7. Put your own time frames on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn’t understand…after all, the baby had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.
8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the baby up every time he cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time he cries. He needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of him and always keep him safe.
9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.
10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.

Don't quote me

I just asked my caseworker if we would be in Vietnam for Halloween and this was her response. "We are hopeful you will be going by the end of the month.
Don’t quote me…as you know anything can happen and change….but we can send out those positive vibes for sure! "

Why must it be so hard?

We are starting our 18th week from referral waiting to get our children.

The final police investigation was supposed to be done the middle of last week but I heard on Friday it was not completed. This puts us even more behind schedule. On top of it Vietnam is being hit with Typhoon Lekima and they are experiencing the worst flooding in 20 years. http://abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/10/07/2053010.htm?section=justin I feel for the people of my childrens birth country and pray that my children will be safe until I can get to them. Do you see why I have problems sleeping every night? How can I sleep if I do not know if my own children are safe? I worry about them constantly. What if they have to evacuate and the caregiver forgets them or doesn't notice they are missing? Parents are suppose to protect their children. I have no way to protect mine. Vietnam is getting hit with a typhoon and I have to sit here and wait for some official to tell me all is clear with some paperwork.

The world of International adoption is so messed up. All I am trying to do is adopt 2 orphans. Why must it be so HARD?

Update

I got some more news the middle of the week. They just started the final police investigation into my children. That should take about a week and then there are a few last steps. I have been told two and a half weeks. Possibly a call to get my Visa before then. To quote the email "We are getting very close now." I am having a hard time getting excited because this whole process has been one disappointment after another. I don't want to get my hopes up again to only be shattered.

I did ask for and get some official documents showing that my children are still legally referred to me. After I was told some info I was getting very doubtful one of my children was still at the orphanage and still referred to us. I could no longer keep going on faith that everybody was doing what they told me. I spent 12 weeks trusting the system to work and it got me nowhere. I needed to start seeing some proof. These documents did set my mind at ease but they also upset me. They were the agreement to release child for adoption. They were dated Sep 10th. That was 3 days after I was told about this huge mess up. Almost 14 weeks after my referral they decided to agree to release my children for adoption. Remember I was supposed to travel in 8-10 weeks. This just proved to me how far behind my paperwork was. Someone really had not done what they were supposed to. Now a mother and her 2 children have to suffer because of it.

Emotionally this whole process has been hard to say the least. Those of you not adopting probably will not understand. The only thing I could probably relate it to is your pregnancy going 3 months overdue. Except worse because you have to see your child grow up in pictures without you. The minute I saw these children they were mine. I would have never thought I could have such strong feelings but I did. They are no different to me then my 3 bio children. It feels like someone has taken my children against my will and refuses to tell me when, if ever, I will be united with them. I don't know if they are being loved or held. Is someone responding when they cry? Are they getting encouragement with very milestone. Do they feel wanted and loved? Safe and secure? These are all the things that run through my mind a hundred times a night and keep me awake until 3:00 in the morning. I am so worried about them. Nothing eases that worry. Telling me 3 more weeks is like saying wait a lifetime.


When I finally have them in my arms I am never going to let them go. They are my babies and they are so wanted. I hope they will always feel that and understand that. Below is how I imagine I will be someday.


" I know a woman well in her 70’s, with five sons. Three adopted, two by birth. She shared with me that when they would sit around the dinner table there were times she would forget who was homegrown and who was adopted, and she had to search back in her memory to see if she remembered giving birth to them or not. I love that story because it exemplifies for me the way families weave themselves together into tidy little quilts, and sometimes you have to take a pretty close look at the stitching to see how they came together. "

We have News

Well I finally have news. Not good news,but news. I really don't know if I should go into detail because I have been asked "NOT TO DISCOURAGE" the masses. We have been told to HOPE to hear positive news about travel in about 3 weeks or so. Yes,I did say another 3 weeks until I even have a possibility of getting a travel call. So about POSSIBLY 5 weeks until I even have a chance of seeing my children. Notice that is only a possible time line. That will be 21 weeks post referral for me. I have to say I am VERY disappointed. To quote the email " Although this can happen to anyone, it is unusual, and it is unfortunate that it happened to you." Yup, SUCKS to be me.



P.S. Please keep the prayers coming. Miracles can always happen.

No News!!

I am very disappointed. My coordinator said she would have an update for me by the end of this week. I have been patiently waiting for this day. Hoping they would have something positive for me. Well you guessed it,Nothing. Not one word from my coordinator. I sent a reminder email and still no response.I know she is in a different time zone but I actually expected to hear word early because they are 12 hours ahead of us. That would mean the end of the week came sooner. See these desperate measures I am resorting to.THIS STINKS!!!!

44 Million Orphans in the World.We can make a difference for two. How about you?

THE STARFISH POEM

Once upon a time there was a wise man
who used to go to the ocean
to do his writing.
He had a habit of walking
on the beach
before he began his work.

One day he was walking along
the shore.
As he looked down the beach,
he saw a human
figure moving like a dancer.
He smiled to himself to think
of someone who would
dance to the day.

So he began to walk faster
to catch up.
As he got closer, he saw
that it was a young man
and the young man wasn't dancing,
but instead he was reaching
down to the shore,
picking up something
and very gently throwing it
into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out,
"Good morning! What are you doing?"

The young man paused,
looked up and replied,
"Throwing starfish in the ocean."

"I guess I should have asked,
why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?"

"The sun is up and the tide is going out.
And if I don't throw them in they'll die."

"But, young man, don't you realize that
there are miles and miles of beach
and starfish all along it.
You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely.
Then bent down, picked up another starfish
and threw it into the sea,
past the breaking waves and said-
"It made a difference for that one."

Babies sleeping in Hammock in Orphanage

Coincidence or fate?

“Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it.” ~ Goethe

I have a kind of unbelievable story that occurred during the adoption wait. Something that proved to me that this was what we were being called to do. I was thinking about it today and thought I would write about it.

Before we ever started any paperwork for the adoption I earmarked $50,000 for it and stashed it away in an online savings account. I pretended like this money no longer existed so we would not be tempted. Everything was going along good until about 5 months into the adoption my wonderful Husband got this idea to leave the company he was working for and start his own company. It was a hassle enough to update our Home study but on top of it my Husband did not prepare financially in advance for branching out on his own and left about $20,000 in expenses uncollected with the prior company. Needless to say in the next 5 months my Husband basically worked for a few start up clients but none had the resources to pay him yet. Every month we expected to get paid and every month we were told we would have to hold on a little bit longer. I expected the $20,000 in expenses to also get reimbursed but that never happened. I ended up having to spend about $35,000 of our adoption fund to pay for our living expenses. I started to get really nervous knowing as soon as our referral came we would owe our agency this money. My Husband kept saying his clients would pay very soon. It got down to the wire and still no money. One night, right after we completed our Dossier and had been told by our coordinator our referral was coming, we had a humongous blow up over this $35,000 we still needed but did not have. I went to bed in tears that night and didn't know what we would do about the money. I knew I some how HAD to come up with it because my children out there somewhere were waiting for us and counting on us. I had such a bad migraine the next day I could barely lift my head. Around 4:30 pm, I decided to check my email; right after the stock market closed (Most of you who know me know I started to trade stocks about 2 years ago). I had an alert on one of my stocks to notify me if it went up over a certain amount. That alert triggered but I could not believe it. I pulled up my brokerage account and found out a little pharmaceutical company, that I had bought on a whim and kept buying because it kept falling, had shot up 305% that day on what didn't even seem to me like very big news. I could not believe it. I had been deeply in the hole on this stock. I knew it would recover but I thought I would have to ride it out another 2 years while they repeated their clinical trials. I was up $90,000 in ONE day. Now here is the weird thing, I had recovered a $55,000 paper loss that day PLUS a $35,000 gain. Exactly $35,000 dropped into my lap the day after we had a humongous blowup over where we would get $35,000 to complete the adoption. Coincidence or fate? You tell me? (Buy the way the stock now 5 months later is back down 300%).

Devastated

I think I have finally composed myself enough to post. I have spent the last 2 days in tears; totally devastated. 6 emails to my coordinator and still no answers. No farther then I was 2 days ago. She has no answers for me. I have been basically told that WC is not privy to any information. Basically they have been told my paperwork is screwed up but nothing else. I was told they will not have an update for me until the end of next week. WHAT??? I have been sitting by this phone everyday for a week expecting to get a travel call. Expecting for this problem to be fixed. Now I find out I have no hope of hearing anything much less a travel call. That will be 15 weeks since referral and still NO travel call. I can not believe this is happening. Babies please cry and wake me up from this terrible nightmare.

Son, More Pictures

Daughter, More Picures

"They say God's timing is perfect, never early, never late."

We found out yesterday their is an issue with our paperwork. It is on Vietnam's end not our agency. A lot of finger pointing is going on in Vietnam and WC is trying to handle the situation delicately because they have to allow them to save face. Nothing is wrong, It is just a filing error that effects dates ( Yuck didn't want to hear that!!). JJH is trying to get a current update on timing so she can get us over there(Yeah!!). She is working on it and I feel a little better knowing the problem has been identified. JJH was very apologetic and sweet (As usual). That's all for now that we know.

It was really weird. Right now I am being taught a humongous lesson in patience. I am really working on it. I know life hands us lessons and we can choose how to take them. So I am going shopping today and what do I pass. A huge sign that says "Be patient, God's timing is perfect. Never early, Never late." Wow!! So I go on about my day pondering this. Then what do you think happens? I never listen to the radio but this day I have no kids and my Husband left his Sirius receiver (Love that Sirius) in my car. So I tune it to the coffee shop channel and what is playing but some song about us trusting that God's timing is perfect. Huh!! WOW!!

Waiting is one of the hardest things for some of us to do (ME!!). I need to trust that for some reason we are meant to wait just a little bit longer. I might never find out the reason why but I have to have faith that the timing will be right. No matter how much I want this it is not meant to be right at this moment. Never early, Never late, Just right!!! WOW, This really is a tough lesson.

P.S. Did you see my last post with my beautiful children's updated pictures? Do you see now why this lesson is so hard?? Who could wait to kiss those cheeks????

Our Daughter - September 7th- 23 wks old

Still no smile but she likes to stick her tongue out. Look at those cheeks.
Look Mom ,I told you it would grow back. Just not as thick or as dark.
Here I am with my tongue out again and my serious "I am going to cure cancer" look.

Her hand appears so small next to her caregivers.

Our Son- September 7th- 23 wks old

How could a foot be this beautiful?
See that perfect little mouth?










Cheeks to match his sisters. Do I glimpse a smile starting?





















Look at those eyes. Mesmerizing!!!

You can get out the tissues, or you can see that you hold your child in your heart and she is indeed finding/has found you.

Waiting For The Call

I have (on the occasion few)

Spent languid moments focusing

On one infernal bane of lift

The phone that simply will not ring!

As icy glare I cast its way

And on its silence pondering

I put my present life "on hold"

Just waiting for the phone to ring.

Oh hideous friend! \Your silence screams

And in its lack of thundering

My ears strain ever harder for

The music of your precious ring.

In China far my babe awaits

I'll fly to her on silvered wing

The minute that I get the call

Oh God! Why won't the damned thing ring?

And now again I go to bed

Yet even in my sleep I cling

To hope that I'll be waked tonight

When at long last, the phone will ring.

-Debbie Bodie

"Be assured that if God waits longer than you wish, it is only to make the blessing all the more precious."

You are precious enough. Please, Please, no more WAITING!!!

"All children behave as well as they are treated" - anon

“If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.”

There have been two G&R ceremonies in the past month and nobody thought to take pictures for us waiting parents. It has been over a month since I have seen my children. Our last set of pictures were at the end of July. I do not know how much they have grown or how they have changed. Did my daughters beautiful dark hair grow back? Did my sons cheeks fill out more? Has my Daughter decided it's time to show Mommy her beautiful smile? Don't they know that we live for these things? That this is pure torture to a Mother.


I did not expect in the month of September to be thinking about these things. I expected to be home from Vietnam and loving my new children. I expected to be heading into fall,my favorite time of year, with my new children at my side. To have no worries and the bright future ahead of us. No more lost time to make up for. No more missing precious moments of their lives. I expected to wake up and be able to look into their smiles faces for the rest of my days. I did not expect to be still WAITING!!!

For finding you mother,
There's one certain test.
You must look for the creature
Who loves you the best.
--- David Kirk (Little Miss Spider)

How Could You Know?

As you lay sleeping far away as still as you could be...
How could you know the joy today this photo brings to me?

A few short weeks and you'll be mine, and "I" will soon be "We".
How could you know the love I feel? It's something you can't see.

So have sweet dreams, my precious babe. Sleep well and tenderly.
Some say that you're the lucky one. How could you know it's me?
--- Kris Laughlin

The Babies turned 5 months old yesturday. I looked up online what milestones they should be reaching. They now offically know their names (Which we are changing) and are attached to their caregiver. (Which they are leaving). They can give their first Hugs and Kisses. Mommy wanted those. It is so hard missing all these firsts. It is so hard thinking of them hugging and kissing someone they think is Mommy. When I am here wanting nothing more then those hugs and kisses.


Your 5-month-old's development:


Highlights

Homing in on sounds

A growing range of emotions

Remember, your baby is an individual




Your baby now realizes where sounds come from, and he'll turn quickly toward a new one. One of the easiest ways to engage him is to jingle a set of keys. Wind chimes are great attention-getters, too.Your baby may now be able to recognize his own name and understand that you're speaking to him when you say it. You may notice that your little one turns his head when you call him or talk about him with others.If you want to engage and entertain your baby, all you need to do is talk to him. At this age, babies don't learn language from the television or radio, so turn them off and use real dialogue instead.


A growing range of emotions

Your baby can't express his emotions in the same complex way that you can. Although he can let you know in clear ways when he's angry, bored, or happy, his ability to show love and humor are just developing.Your baby also shows a strong attachment to you by raising his arms when he wants to be picked up and by crying when you leave the room. He may also give you hugs and kisses.And he's beginning to get the joke — he'll laugh at funny expressions and try to make you laugh, too. Keep the laughter flowing with your silly faces!

Delayed and I don't know WHY ???

To my babies,

Mommy is so sorry she will not be with you this time around. It devastates me to not be able to be with you. I am not sure WHY we have to wait a little longer. “Everything happens for a reason. Always remember that whats meant to be will always find a way to come about.” I promise you we are meant to be and our time will come very soon.


It has been 12 weeks since I was blessed with becoming the Mother of beautiful Twins.
12 weeks since I was blessed with you.
12 weeks since my heart was stolen and stopped.
12 weeks since I have been able to breath.
12 weeks counting every second of everyday.
12 weeks of time seeming to stand still.
12 weeks waiting to smell you.
12 weeks waiting to count your fingers and toes.
12 weeks waiting to blow raspberries on your tummies.
12 weeks since I saw your smile for the first time.
12 weeks since my life changed forever.

I know you are waiting patiently. Please give me the patience to wait patiently along with you. Love, Mommy




"I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child,I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night."

--- Unknown

CONGRATULATIONS, Patty!!

Patty - I am so glad that Cupcake does not have to live another day without her family. Go get your girl and get those sunglasses on those poor baby eyes. Be strong. I know in my heart everything is going to work out. You are meant to be together. You did not give birth to her but she was made for you. You were born to be her Mother. You were chosen for a reason. Always remember that. You are a very special person.



I know God won't give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish he didn't trust me so much---
Mother Teresa

CONGRATULATIONS, Stacey!!

Stacey is my cyber friend I met while waiting to get my children. I have also been blessed to meet Kim and Patty. Our children were all born within weeks of each other in a little rural province in the mountains called Lang son. Their children are in the same orphanage as my children in Lang son. Our children have spent the last almost 5 months of their lives as close as any we call family could be. These children have endured much in their short lives. More then we will ever know. But they will all be blessed soon to have Stacey ,Patty and Kim as their mothers. I know in my heart this will make up for all they have endured. Our Children have been fortunate enough to have their paths intertwined for all eternity as I have been fortunate to have mine intertwined with these great women.

Patty, Stacey and Kim- I want to Thank all 3 of you for being there for me when no one else was. For understanding my joy and my sadness. For helping me endure this insane process we call international adoption. For reminding me of what waits at the end of this long Journey. For helping me get through every day of this LONG wait to travel. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Stacey- You go get your little one. Every day she waits for her Mommy is one day too many. I am so happy for your family.

Remember we are now intertwined. The 3 of us will be right behind you.

To my Babies

Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously
My own.
Never forget
For a single minute:
You didn't grow under my heart
But in it.
--Fleur Conkling Heyliger

Taken from The Poem Different and the Same

What's Different:
With bio kids: You're pregnant. You look like hell. You can't remember what your feet look like. Your ankles are the size of telephone polls. Your close friends lie and tell you that you look radiant. You don't.

With adoption: You look like hell. When you were pregnant you knew where your baby was. You knew she was safe, and warm and fed. This time your child is out there somewhere. And you can't sleep as a result. Instead of sleeping, you pray that she stays safe until you get there. No one tells you, you look radiant. You don't.

What's the same: The LOVE. It is identical, even if it forms in a different way. The amount of love, the strength of it, the depth of it, all the measures of it are identical.


By Cindy (aka Jaclyn's mom)


.

Oh Little One

Oh little one, where ever you are,
Near to our hearts yet distant so far.

Have you already a birthday? I wonder each night,
Or have you yet to experience that journey of might.

We’ve waited so long to share our blessings with you,
Our hearts ache with joy of the thought coming true.

I want you to know how excited we are,
To meet you and love you; our precious little star.

Thrilled of the thoughts of watching you grow,
Teaching and learning from each other you know.

Please never forget this one promise to you,
We’ll always be your parents and unconditionally love you.

Debbie Hutson

Patience

Here is a little something I found that explains how I am feeling and what I am going through right now.




Waiting for something is an inherent part of human nature. It is something that you have had to deal with ever since you first came into this world.

An infant waits to be held, fed, changed
A student waits for recess, lunch, summer vacation
An adult waits for payday, vacation, promotion

The above list is obviously just a small sampling of what we have all had to wait for during our lives. However, as adoptive parents or parents-to-be, our patience has faced a new challenge.

When a woman becomes pregnant, we all know that the 'wait' for birth is roughly 9 months. Sure, there can be complications or circumstances where the timing might change, and the child might be born sooner or later than this time frame, but for the vast majority of pregnancies, the parents-to-be have a general idea of when to expect the child to enter their lives. You can pretty much schedule your vacation around it.

Adoption is different.

With adoption, you are at the mercy of others from the very moment that you request the application from your chosen agency. You are forced to rely upon their response time processing your request, as well as the time that it takes to get their approval back to your mailbox. Next, you must weave your way through a mound of paperwork, resulting in more challenging waiting periods involving social workers, local, state, and government officials, as well as the Chinese government.

And when you have finally completed all of the required paperwork, the real wait begins.

There is little that can be said to you during this part of the wait that will make the waiting any easier. In contrast, what is said to you can -and usually does- add to the pain of the wait itself. "When will you get a picture?", "When will you know?", "Where is she?", etc. While most of the comments are meant in good faith, the bottom line answer to all of these questions is: you just don't know! You can narrow things down by selecting a waiting child, but you will still be unable to answer the "but when will you travel to bring your child home?" question.

So much is out of our hands as adoptive-parents-in-waiting, and yet we all strive to have some sort of feeling that we are in control. It is this struggle for control that often drives us crazy while we wait.

The last thing that you want to hear is someone saying to you, "The wait will be more than worth it!". In fact, you sometimes want to hit the next person that says that to you. However, this is one statement that can actually help you survive the waiting, but only if you allow it to.

Having been through two adoptions, I can definitely say that once we received our child's picture, the memories of the paperchase and any delays that we had faced quickly vanished. They were replaced by thoughts of joy, of amazement, and of anticipation for the journey of a lifetime!

You will have packing lists to consider, as well as arranging time off from work, lining up someone to watch your house, mow the lawn, pick up the mail, etc. There will be care packages to send, along with announcements of your big news! There will be the search for new bills so that your money will be accepted. There will be checks and double-checks to ensure that you really will be able to recharge your camcorder and not burn up your hair dryer. There will be the mad dash to the department store exchanging clothing that you had picked up for your child because the child referred to you might not fit in what you had picked up. Do you have enough film/memory for the camera? Will everything fit inside of the suitcase? And so on.

A lot of this you can prepare ahead of time -at your own pace- which not only will give you something to do to pass the time, but also will leave you with less to fuss about once you receive your referral, and allow for more time sitting and staring at your child's photo.

Is the wait long? Yes. Is it difficult, emotionally? Definitely, as you will feel as if your emotions are on some wild ride at Disneyland. Can you make it to 'the call'? YES!

Referral day is an experience that is somewhat difficult to put into words. I felt somewhat giddy for our two referral days. Both times I was at work, and both times I was totally useless, just staring at the phone, waiting for the sound of music (phone ringing). And once I was on the phone, it was somewhat surreal, as I quickly jotted down all of the information that our agency was telling us. And then the picture ... wow! As if I wasn't already useless that day, following the call I didn't do a thing! I couldn't. It is hard to function when you are floating above the clouds!

Adoption is clearly a life-changing event, for both your child-to-be and YOU! And believe what you hear - the wait is far more than worth it!

So how can you find the patience to endure the seemingly endless wait? Keep a sense of humor. No, I am not talking about being a stand up comic or anything like that, but instead begin to look at life through your child-to-be's eyes. Think of what they will be seeing when they are with you. Think of the many new experiences that they will share with you. For example, while waiting for our first referral, I remember walking to the park each day while on my lunch break. I would sit on a park bench and just daydream into the future. When one day a butterfly was fluttering in front of me. I watched it go this way and that way, then back around again. Until finally it landed on a blade of grass in front of me. I laughed to myself as I wondered if that was exactly the blade that it had meant to land on, or if it was just faking it. It sat there for a minute, and then took off and fluttered back and forth across the grass to look for another landing spot.

Okay, call me crazy, but I was able to enjoy that little moment, and it helped to ease my mind so that I didn't constantly dwell on the wait. With each passing day I knew that we were one day closer!

If you sit and stare at a clock, an hour can seem a lifetime. However, if you instead occupy yourself with pleasant sights, sounds, smiles and laughter, you will be amazed at how quickly time will pass.

If you allow it to.

So be patient, look for a butterfly, and enjoy all that is around you. For the day is coming -soon- when your child will be there sharing it with you!

I promise!

Oh, and for what it's worth - you are closer to your child now than you were when you began reading this page ...

By Anonymous

Waiting from a Childs Eyes

I know how difficult it is for you while you wait for me,because I have been waiting, too.
I have waited to be held, to be fed, to be loved. I have found comfort in those who have been caring for me,and in those I have come to call my friend.


Do not feel saddened, for this is the only life that I have known. I have adapted. I know of no other way to spend my day. I am content, because I know not of what I might be missing.

As you await the sound of my laughter, I carry on, learning every day. From friends, and caretakers. Because I am not alone, I wait my turn, learning patience and enjoying every moment that comes my way.

Some friends are no longer here, so I make new friends. We keep each other company.

The day will come when your waiting will finally be over, as will mine. When that day arrives, my friends will need to make a new friend, as I will no longer be there. I will discover a life that I never knew existed. I might seem frightened at first, but once again I will quickly adapt and realize that my waiting to be held, to be fed, to be loved is over. I will be cared for like never before. I will learn so many new things.

I will have a forever family!

Until that day, I will be content to live the only life that I have known, and to spend time with my friends. Waiting ...

I will be here for you when your waiting has finally ended. You will hear my laughter and I will feel your loving touch. And we will both be content with the new life that we will share, together ...

"Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It's something quite magical."

Nicole Kidman
Adoptive parent

The Question by Gabe Myers,Teen Adoptee

I’ve grown so much but you weren’t here
To hold me console me or fight my fear
I wanted to know what was wrong with me
Where should I have grown up, where should I be
There has never been a day gone by
I don’t ask myself the question why
The constant filling of my heart with doubt
It was a secret to never be let out
Who exactly was my mother?
Then it dawned on me it could be no other,
Than the one who had loved all my life
The one who will be there through all my strife
The one who held me when I was scared
The one who I could always count on and always cared
It didn’t matter that I never came from your tummy
The point is you’re the one I will always call Mommy

It isn't how you birth your baby,

it's how you love your child.

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. ~Edw

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one. ~Mother Teresa



These are my 3 beautiful sponsored children from China. I started sponsoring them monthly a year ago when we choose to pursue an adoption in Vietnam instead of China

I had always felt drawn to the children of China. At one point I had thought that's where our daughter was. I was very confused when the door to China closed for us just as the door to Vietnam reopened. I knew I was meant to do something for these children of China but if it was not to adopt then what was it? Even after starting to pursue the adoption in Vietnam, I could still not shake the feeling that something was calling me in China. I started to research and found out about an American run foundation http://www.chinaorphans.org/ where special needs children live while awaiting treatment and recovering. Because of their serious special needs these children are not considered adoptable.Without this foundation these children would probably be left to die in the government run orphanages. This foundation is so nice because they have numerous children villages. They are run like free standing homes, designed to model a normal family environment instead of an institution. To me these are the children who really need our help.The children who only have a very slight chance of adoption because of their serious special needs.

For Christmas in 2006 I sponsored 12 of these children for the month of December in my friends and families names. Everybody was given a picture and bio of their child and literature with the hope if at all possible they could continue their sponsorship of that child. It is about the cost of a cup of coffee a day to make such a difference in a child's life. Why wouldn't you? (It is also a tax write off in cause you were wondering)

This sponsorship has given me the greatest joy. I receive updates and pictures of my children. It is so great to watch them have a much needed surgery and grow stronger everyday. I wait with bated breath for the monthly newsletter to come to make sure my children are okay. I love to see what they have been doing that month. What kind of field trips have they gone on, who visited them, how the construction is progressing on the new villages. I have grown to love all the children. It is also heartbreaking when I learn of a loss of a child. There is usually about one child a month. My husband asks me why I continue to read those newsletters every month when I know another child will be gone. I say I have to. No matter how much it hurts, I have to remind myself these children are there and suffering. I could bury my head in the sand but they will still be in China suffering. I want to make a difference in this world and I can not do that by denial.

Well it turns out after a year, I have received great news. One of my children has been adopted. Bethany ( In pink with braids) went home July 13 to her forever family in Iowa. She will be the youngest of 6 siblings. I am filled with joy for her and her family. I am honored to have been a part of this little girls life.

This adoption of my sponsored child leaves me with a new opportunity. I have decided to sponsor an older child in Lang son Vietnam at my children's orphanage. This will give me a chance to bring that child presents when I travel to Vietnam. I am so excited about this opportunity.

This is what the babies should be doing this month. Who knows if they are doing any of this ,but I thought it was interesting. I still think of them as newborns . It is really strange to imagine not seeing all the firsts. First smile,first laugh,first time they roll over, first time they coo.I was always there for all my childrens firsts. I have to stop or it will destroy me imagining that my children are growing up without me. They will never remember, but I will always realize I missed so much. We have so much time to make up for when we finally are together. Please pray for a travel date soon.

5th Month

Dexterity is an important skill that Baby is working on this month. By now, she can probably accurately reach out with one hand and trap an object in a mitten-like grab. She can hold a toy in her hand, inspect it carefully, and then transfer it to the other hand and start sucking on it. With this improved coordination comes the ability to grasp different-sized objects.


At five months, babies usually range from 23.5 inches long, 12.25 pounds (10th percentile) to 26.5 inches long and 17 pounds (90th percentile).


This month, your baby may:
Reach accurately for an object as eye-hand coordination improves.
Hold her head steady when sitting upright as neck muscles strengthen.
Sit supported for up to 30 minutes, and sit alone for a few moments as back muscles strengthen.
Roll from stomach to back.
Raise her chest with arm support while lying on her stomach as arm muscles get stronger.
Mimic sounds and gestures.
Repeat strings of syllables in a rhythmic way.
Babble to get attention.
Show positive reaction to different sounds.
Make different sounds for different needs.

"All things come round to him who will but wait."- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It has been 60 days since are referral. 60 days since I saw those precious faces for the first time at 1:30 in the morning. 60 HARD days of waiting to hear word, any word, of when we will travel to finally be united with our children. It seems like such a long time. I can barely remember a time before I knew who they were and what they looked like. I don' t even have to look at their pictures anymore. I have every square inch of the memorized. When I close my eyes at night the first thing I see is their little faces.

There is some kind of delay in Lang son for the people waiting to travel before us. I have only heard rumors why things have been delayed so I will not repeat them. I think about 8-10 families have to travel before it is our turn. I heard the last family traveled mid July. No travel for a month is not good for us, our babies or these other families. We had definitely thought mid to late August would be the latest we would travel. Definitely not so. Some of you might not know but we only get about about 5-7 days notice to travel. Think about having to arrange a trip like this with 5 days notice. It is insane. Welcome to the world of international adoption. The trip is 37 hours travel each way. I am not looking forward to 37 hours on airplanes with 2 little infants. I don't even want to think about that part of the trip. It looks like with the province of Lang son, where our children are from, the stay is usually a month. That is a really long time to be in Vietnam and away from our other children. We had hoped for a stay of 2 weeks but yet again welcome to the world of international adoption. What we want is totally irrelevant.


I have already made them an appointment at AI DuPont to see an International adoption specialist. Luckily I scheduled this for mid October thinking we would be home in September and have a little bit of time to adjust before the specialist. Looks like we will be lucky to have them here in time. This Doctor will run all kinds of tests and thoroughly check them over to make sure my regular pediatrician does not miss anything.

We witness a miracle everytime

a child enters into life.

But those who make their journey

home across time and miles,

growing within the hearts of those

who wait to love them,

are carried on the wings of destiny

and placed among us by

God's very own hands.

~Kristi Larson

More shopping

Why Two ??????

“Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him.”- Henery Miller


I am going to try and answer a question that we have been asked quite a few times through out this adoption. We have been asked by many different people "Why TWO?". Our answer is "Why not Two?".

We started this adoption out with the hope of adopting 1 healthy child. During the home study our social worker planted the seed of 2 children in our mind. She said she always urges a family if they adopt one child of a certain race to consider adopting another child of the same race (Example Asian and Asian or African American and African American). She said the child seems to adjust and do better when they see a mirror image of themselves. It gives them someone in the family to relate to and then they don't feel as if they are different . She really got us thinking. We decided this would be best to foster our child's identity and sense of self. We knew we might not want to go through another adoption anytime soon, so we decided to pursue 2 at one time now.


I also had a big problem with leaving all those children behind in the orphanage to possibly live a life out in an institution. We have the resources and love to care for 2 more so "WHY NOT"? What kind of person would I be if I had the means and resources to care for 2 children but only said "yes" to one. I personally could not do that. We decided if we got approved for 2 and 2 children needed us then we would be here for them.


Basically we decided to leave it up to chance. Kind of like every time you get pregnant it could be 1 or 2 or 3 or 4. Nobody knows?? Nobody questions you when you get pregnant with twins. Nobody asks you "Why Two?" then. We decided to approach this the same way, Leave it up to fate. Just in case we got preapproval for 2 children. We told our agency we were open to 1 or 2 children. If 2 children needed us that was great, if it was only 1 child that needed us that was also great. We asked for a boy and girl if 2 children and no preference if it was 1 child . We originally asked for a baby and a toddler; we soon found out that there was a high demand for toddlers. You would think these children would be waiting around, but that is not the case in Vietnam. We found out it would be at least an 8 month wait for a toddler. We decide this was not the child that needed us, with so many families already waiting. My case worker asked me to consider Twins; Bio or Virtual. I really had not expected 2 babies of the same age. We had to readjust our thinking and agreed if twin babies are the ones that need us then we will welcome them with open arms. We knew Biological twins are pretty rare in Asian cultures and Virtual twins would have to be 2 children born in the same province within a few days of each other and both relinquished or abandoned within a few days of birth. The referral of either sets of Twins seemed very slim. We decided we would take the first referral ( 1 or 2 children). In other words we would not sit and wait on a waiting list for a twin referral; if it was meant to be they would be born and waiting for us.

What are the chances of 2 babies (Thom-Girl and Tai-Boy) both being born in Lang son on March 29th and both being relinquished shortly after birth. What are the chances of these 2 babies being paper ready at the same time that our paperwork went across JJH desk? Is it fate or is it destiny? Thom and Tai needed us and we needed them. That is "Why Two?".


P.S. With our last pregnancy we had also been pregnant with twins but lost one early on. I had always wondered "What if?". I think we were always destined to raise twins just not when we expected.

I miss you

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell." ~Edna St Vincent Millay

My eldest Daughter has been visiting my Sister in North Carolina for 3 weeks. I have missed her terribly. This could be contributing to why I am so sad. 3 of my children are away from me. I miss them all so much. She asked me today if the babies would be home by Halloween. For the first time it hit me that I really do not know. I do not know when to expect to hold and cuddle my own children. I do not know when I will see their little faces and smell their baby smells. How sad. How sad for me and how sad for them. They have to grow a day,week,month older without the love of a family. It is such a sin when we want nothing more then to care for them. When we are willing to at the drop of a dime fly half way around the world. We can never get these precious moments back that we are missing. They will never be 128 days old again. It will be forever gone. I am so tempted to jump on an airplane and park my rear in Lang son. If it were not for my other children you might not be able to stop me. I know it would not be productive and it is not how things work. I respect that and that is why I am doing my time with the rest of them.

On a lighter note I can not bring myself to buy a crib. I do not think personally I could stand the sight of an empty crib everyday. It would be too much of a reminder smacking me in the face. I have finally started shopping. We have a ton of girls clothes from my daughter and Niece. I have not had a boy in 16 years. WOW!! I decided I better get going or she was going to be a beautifully dressed princess with a naked brother. My MIL says I am only allowed to buy boys clothes. At least the boys stuff is a lot cuter then it was 16 years ago. It is almost as fun as shopping for a girl. I have to keep putting stuff back because I am spending too much. Everything was dorky 16 years ago (Sorry son).

See my next 2 posts for all the cute stuff.

"Not what we have But what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance"

After a week of princess dance camp my youngest had her dance recital today. I am so proud and she is so cute.


I am definately blessed. I feel so thankful. I already have so much and I am about to receive more. How does a girl get so lucky? I feel like I could burst, For the love I have for all 5 of my children overwhelms me at times. They are truly a gift from God.