"Take an action each day that alleviates suffering in the world. Bring light into darkness."
-Angeles Arrien

Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished:
If you're alive, it isn't.
--- Richard Bach

I have come to realize more and more that the greatest disease and the greatest suffering is to be unwanted, unloved, uncared for, to be shunned by everybody, to be just nobody [to no one]
--Mother Teresa

We were not separated at your birth.
It was the moment at which we began our journey toward each other
-Nancy McGuire Roche

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Why Two ??????

“Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him.”- Henery Miller

I am going to try and answer a question that we have been asked quite a few times through out this adoption. We have been asked by many different people "Why TWO?". Our answer is "Why not Two?".

We started this adoption out with the hope of adopting 1 healthy child. During the home study our social worker planted the seed of 2 children in our mind. She said she always urges a family if they adopt one child of a certain race to consider adopting another child of the same race (Example Asian and Asian or African American and African American). She said the child seems to adjust and do better when they see a mirror image of themselves. It gives them someone in the family to relate to and then they don't feel as if they are different . She really got us thinking. We decided this would be best to foster our child's identity and sense of self. We knew we might not want to go through another adoption anytime soon, so we decided to pursue 2 at one time now.

I also had a big problem with leaving all those children behind in the orphanage to possibly live a life out in an institution. We have the resources and love to care for 2 more so "WHY NOT"? What kind of person would I be if I had the means and resources to care for 2 children but only said "yes" to one. I personally could not do that. We decided if we got approved for 2 and 2 children needed us then we would be here for them.

Basically we decided to leave it up to chance. Kind of like every time you get pregnant it could be 1 or 2 or 3 or 4. Nobody knows?? Nobody questions you when you get pregnant with twins. Nobody asks you "Why Two?" then. We decided to approach this the same way, Leave it up to fate. Just in case we got preapproval for 2 children. We told our agency we were open to 1 or 2 children. If 2 children needed us that was great, if it was only 1 child that needed us that was also great. We asked for a boy and girl if 2 children and no preference if it was 1 child . We originally asked for a baby and a toddler; we soon found out that there was a high demand for toddlers. You would think these children would be waiting around, but that is not the case in Vietnam. We found out it would be at least an 8 month wait for a toddler. We decide this was not the child that needed us, with so many families already waiting. My case worker asked me to consider Twins; Bio or Virtual. I really had not expected 2 babies of the same age. We had to readjust our thinking and agreed if twin babies are the ones that need us then we will welcome them with open arms. We knew Biological twins are pretty rare in Asian cultures and Virtual twins would have to be 2 children born in the same province within a few days of each other and both relinquished or abandoned within a few days of birth. The referral of either sets of Twins seemed very slim. We decided we would take the first referral ( 1 or 2 children). In other words we would not sit and wait on a waiting list for a twin referral; if it was meant to be they would be born and waiting for us.

What are the chances of 2 babies (Thom-Girl and Tai-Boy) both being born in Lang son on March 29th and both being relinquished shortly after birth. What are the chances of these 2 babies being paper ready at the same time that our paperwork went across JJH desk? Is it fate or is it destiny? Thom and Tai needed us and we needed them. That is "Why Two?".

P.S. With our last pregnancy we had also been pregnant with twins but lost one early on. I had always wondered "What if?". I think we were always destined to raise twins just not when we expected.

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