I miss you

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell." ~Edna St Vincent Millay

My eldest Daughter has been visiting my Sister in North Carolina for 3 weeks. I have missed her terribly. This could be contributing to why I am so sad. 3 of my children are away from me. I miss them all so much. She asked me today if the babies would be home by Halloween. For the first time it hit me that I really do not know. I do not know when to expect to hold and cuddle my own children. I do not know when I will see their little faces and smell their baby smells. How sad. How sad for me and how sad for them. They have to grow a day,week,month older without the love of a family. It is such a sin when we want nothing more then to care for them. When we are willing to at the drop of a dime fly half way around the world. We can never get these precious moments back that we are missing. They will never be 128 days old again. It will be forever gone. I am so tempted to jump on an airplane and park my rear in Lang son. If it were not for my other children you might not be able to stop me. I know it would not be productive and it is not how things work. I respect that and that is why I am doing my time with the rest of them.

On a lighter note I can not bring myself to buy a crib. I do not think personally I could stand the sight of an empty crib everyday. It would be too much of a reminder smacking me in the face. I have finally started shopping. We have a ton of girls clothes from my daughter and Niece. I have not had a boy in 16 years. WOW!! I decided I better get going or she was going to be a beautifully dressed princess with a naked brother. My MIL says I am only allowed to buy boys clothes. At least the boys stuff is a lot cuter then it was 16 years ago. It is almost as fun as shopping for a girl. I have to keep putting stuff back because I am spending too much. Everything was dorky 16 years ago (Sorry son).

See my next 2 posts for all the cute stuff.