Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us. -- Thomas L. Holdcroft

I feel really ground down right now. I feel like every time I turn around something is stopping this adoption from moving forward. I can not even seem to get to the home study visits.

First it was the typhoon that hit Vietnam in Da Nang and damaged the Red Cross Orphanage. I just have this feeling that is where my children are and I am so afraid this will some how delay things. Not to mention, I was a terrible mess and could not sleep worrying about the people and children of Vietnam. I was relieved to know all the children are safe but my heart is torn out knowing that the little they had is destroyed.

Next morning I wake to the message that CASI in Maryland (my home study agency) has decided to shut its doors for financial reasons. WHAT???? Luckily our social worker is great and convinced her old agency to take on her clients. Tell me this does not have the stink of DELAY written all over it!!

On Oct 15th contact social worker to see what delay is with paperwork (MD social worker can not schedule meeting with you until all paperwork is in hand). I thought we would be done with the Home study visits by this point.

I am trying to stay the course but feel so out of control and defeated sometimes.

" The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step"- Lao Tzu

Well we took our first step . We took the 2 hour drive (each way) to meet with the social worker. We handed inthe application and application fee. We spent about 2 hours in a meeting with a few other families reviewing all the documents needed for homestudy. They gave us a 1" binder full of documents. Maryland is very strict with the process. You follow the same process as a daycare provider or foster family (Plus more).

It is very overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder if I am insane for choosing this path. If I was not so sure this is something we were meant to do, I might turn around and run like crazy. Nobody should ever doubt the dedication and of an adoptive parent. There is nothing easy about this whole process.

I scheduled appointments this morning and filled out paperwork all day( And I don't feel like I am much closer to getting anything done)

-Scheduled girls physicals for Medical Form( Can not see then until early November,Hope this does not hold up our Home study
-Fire Marshall inspection next week
- Cat and Dog go to Vet in morning to get Booster Vaccines (Oh MY, Process has even affected the animals)
-Hopefully going to pikesville tomorrow to get first set of fingerprints done
- Need to renew license and pull MVA records tomorrow(I know mine is clean!!HINT, HINT Husband)


The journey has begun!!

"I have no fear of losing my life- If I have to save a koala or a crocodile or a kangaroo or a snake,mate, I will save it"- Steve Irwin

The untimely death of Steve Irwin (AKA The Crocodile Hunter and my 11 year old Daughters favorite mentor and role model) has really got me thinking. He lived his life with such passion and purpose. You could hear the enthusiasm and passion in his voice every time he spoke. He had a mission and purpose on this earth and he was willing to put his life on the line to fulfill that mission. How very amazing.

How many of us really live our life with purpose EVERYDAY? How many of us just take up precious space on this planet.

I know this adoption is part of my purpose. I can feel it deep down in my heart and my gut. This process is a lot more challenging then I thought. Basically we are going to be put under a microscope and judged by people (some who have never even met us) who probably do not have the same thoughts or beliefs as us. Of course they do not have the same thoughts and beliefs as us because our differences are what makes us all unique is scary.

We have suffered through some losses but no loss will be as hard as if not able to fulfill
what we know so strongly is part of our purpose.

Destiny

"It's choice -not chance- that determines your destiny"
- Jean Nidetch

Well our journey to our destiny has officially started. After months of researching agencies and many hours of research in general, We have officially started the process. I mailed the application and nice hefty fee to INS (still having a hard time with name change- USCIS).

We will hopefully decide on a home study agency this week. I have the application and check filled out and in an envelope, ready to be sent, but just waiting for 1 more email to come back. Tell me I don't have a problem committing, Always afraid I will make the wrong choice. It's funny because I know there is no WRONG choice, Just different paths to get to your final destination. Some paths are shorter and easier, While some are long and windy ( and filled with gigantic boulders that block your way). I always try in advance to look into my crystal ball to find that shorter path, but it just never seems to work. Then I have to make myself jump in and see what transpires. I know that "no choice is a choice".

I am big on quotes, So expect a lot of them . (Maybe I have something to do with why they call my oldest son "FORTUNE COOKIE" at school, I think it's a cool thing for him to inherit) What better way to learn then from the wise that came before us. It's amazing how one sentence (A quote) can make such an impact and change the way you look at the world.