5 days to Go !!!

We almost have our plans finalized. We had to push them back 1 day. We will be leaving Tuesday evening and taking the Train into NYC. We will be spending the night in NYC then flying out of JFK early Wednesday morning. We have a 17.5 hour flight straight to Bangkok. We will arrive in Bangkok on Thursday evening. We plan on spending the night in Bangkok. We hope to see some sights. Early Friday we will get up and finish the trip from Bangkok to Hanoi,Vietnam. We should arrive in Hanoi Friday evening. This will give us a little bit of time to recover and shop for the other children in the orphanage,with the proceeds from our fundraiser, before we head to Lang son to get our children.

We were told our G&R would be Monday the 29th but another family was told Wednesday the 31st(Halloween). I did pray all along we would have them by Halloween. Of course that was supposed to be all of us home for Halloween with the other children. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I am really going to miss Halloween with my 4 year old this year. It is a shame, In order to get one child you must also leave another. My heart breaks to leave my other children for so long.

It is now 5 days until we are on our way. Unbelievable. It was so long waiting but now I can't believe it is actually happening.

I am a nervous wreck because of all the NOIDs issued lately. I am trying to get in the right mindset but it is hard. It makes me so nervous. I just want to enjoy my time in Vietnam but this is like a dark cloud hanging over our Journey. The possibility that after a year I will finally get my babies and then someone could just as easily in a few weeks snatch them away again is terrifying. How are you supposed to bond under these circumstances? Heck, How are you supposed to breath?

I had the best dream last night. I had my son. He was beautiful. He was smiling and we were playing. He was so happy and so was I. I do not know where my Daughter was. I think they gave him to us a couple days in advance. It was one of those dreams you think please don't wake up.

I found out the circumstances of my children's relinquishment by their birth parents. It was very heart wrenching. I cried and cried. It became very real when I read those words. 2 totally different circumstances for each child but still the same outcome. The 25 year old unwed Mother I understood but the 40 year old Married couple is the one that got me. In order for me to gain these 2 children somebody had to lose them. Imagine. The day of the G&R is going to be so hard. To meet those birth parents and see such sorrow and loss while I am feeling so much happiness and gain. What a emotional situation. I honestly do not look forward to it.

I am so humbled by this whole experience. I expect more of that in the next few weeks. I am learning many lessons through this experience and I know I am growing as a human being. I will be a better person on the other side of his journey, no doubt. My life will be changed forever.