“You know somebody, and they cry for you. They stay awake at night and dream of you. I bet you never even know they do, but somebody's crying for you.

So we got 4 new photos of our Daughter and 3 new ones of our Son yesturday. See my last post for a peek. It was so great to get these.It was so great to see them looking so healthy (Besides shaving my Daughter's head like a monk) It actually hurt this time because I miss them so much. You are probably saying how can you miss someone you have not even met yet? I don't know how, but I DO. I miss them with all my heart. It hurts so bad seeing them grow bigger without me. It feels like someone took my kids against my will and will not bring them home. I never thought it would be this hard. NEVER.

You might not know it my babies, but somebody (Mommy) is crying for you.

Her he is, Our son. 4 months old

His feet appear to be little.
Gorgeous eyes.

Here she is, Our daughter. 4 months old

Smile sweetie Mommy's coming!!
Not sure about the story on this bracelet. A lot of other babies in Lang son have them. We suspect her caregiver gave it to her. I hope she has it on when we pick her up. Great for her memory box.
Soul searching eyes.
Look at those big feet.

3 months old- More hair

4 months old -They shaved her head

14 days old. Look at all that hair!!!!

"Everytime I close my eyes I see your face"

I got new updated photos today. The babies will be 4 months in 3 days. The are so perfect and beautiful.

They shaved my daughters full head of black hair. I was so stunned and upset when I first saw the pictures. I was so excited to finally have a baby with so much hair. From her first referral photo at 14 days she had a full head of black hair. My bio kids all had blonde peach fuzz. When you would ask our 4 year old which was baby brother and baby sister she would say the one with lots of hair is sister. Luckily she knows them apart now.

" We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." - Martin Luther King, Jr

Today is a day full of disappointment. The travel group ahead of us was delayed. I am so sorry guys. You do not desereve to have to endure this. Just keep your chins up, it will come. Hopefully a larger group will be scheduled to travel next time.



I am also disappointed because this delays my chance of travel. I could taste it getting closer. I was so excited for them and optimistic for myself. I will not lose hope. I will be dissappointed but I WILL NOT LOSE HOPE. I truly hope and believe travel is going to speed up. I think we are in a slow down but out of no where it is going to start moving FAST. Faster then we all could of ever hoped for.

Waiting

“How much of human life is lost in waiting.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson



Waiting,Waiting!!! When will it be over??



Half A World Away
By Jill Work


A half a world away

Sometimes it seems we're so far apart

But a half a world away

Is not too far for a journey of ther heart

My little one, my bundle of joy

I'm waiting for you

My precious son, my baby boy

I know you're waiting too

A half a world away

A child waits for a family of his own

While a half a world away

A family waits to come bring him home

My little one, my bundle of joy

I'm whispering a prayer

My precious son, my baby boy

I hope to soon be there

I hope that we

will no longer be

a half a world away.

Bring me hope

Bring me hope

This video gets me every time. I ball through the whole thing. Every time things got hard with the adoption and I wondered WHY? I watched this. It told me why.

I have been trying to keep busy or this wait for travel is going to kill me. I feel so rushed to get everything done by the first of August but know we probably will not travel for a while. Still need to be prepared since we will probably barely get a weeks notice to travel.



I moved all 3 little ones in the big walk-in closet and moved hubby back in with me. I have not been out of the closet for a whole week. I was not too excited about sharing closet with hubby again, but I decided I would rather have babies then closet. I will go naked for babies.



Bought my first pack of diapers yesturday. I am trying not to get too excited and go crazy. It just makes the waiting harder. I could not stand to look at the crib everyday yet. I think my heart would ache too much. I am going to wait a few more weeks . We are setting up a nursery in our sitting room. I like for the kids to be close. Real close.

Adoption Pregnant

How true!!



I am pregnant, but my tummy isn't growing,

And no one ever calls me "little Mom"

The public simply isn't overflowing with questions that I'd handle with aplomb.

There are no special clothes to mark my waiting

Nobody stops and smiles as I walk by,

The absence of a due-date is frustrating

And looking at the nursery makes me cry

When I am over due no one will worry

The phone won't ring and ring as friends check in.

I can't hurry my labor in a hurry

My new life as a parent to begin

Adoption is a worrisome endever and waiting alone is not much fun

To be "with child" for a year seems like forever

Dear God, we'er ready!Please send our little one.

Dreams

"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can be together all the time."- Hobbes

Mommy is dreaming about you tonight darlings!! Sleep tight all the way around the world. I am coming. Hold on.

"Follow your heart and your dreams will come true."

June 7th I got a call on my cell phone from JJH. The family was at Walmart shopping. I had promised to take my picky 12 year old out clothes shopping at Kohls after Walmart. JJH said she had the remaining paper work for the babies and could offer us the refferrals if I could fax her a gazillion papers. Of course she could not send photos or the actual referrals until she had those papers. We did not expect to hear from her so soon. It was a shopping trip at Walmart I will always remember.Kind of like that movie "Where the heart Is", I feel like I gave birth right in the middle of Walmart that day.

My Husband and I parted ways and promised to meet back at the house in an hour to start faxing. We needed to see those babies tonight. We could not wait one more minute. It was like enduring a long birth and nobody letting you see them afterwards.

I was on cloud nine as I rushed my Daughter through the fastest shopping trip ever. I could not believe this was happening. Just a few months ago we almost signed with an agency that was quoting 8-12 months. So glad I found JJH and fell in love with her shining personality. We clicked immediately.

At home we faxed all the papers, but could not reach JJH. I can always reach her. Why not on this night?? I must have called her 50 times that night. We tried until 11:30 EST and then the rest of the family gave up and went to bed. I could not stand to wait. Finally at midnight Jenn told me she did not get faxes and I resent it. Still nothing. I refreshed my email a zillion times. I woke up at 1:30 in the morning with my laptop on my belly.I had dozed off like this. I refreshed one more time and there they were. Everybody was sleeping and I did not know what to do. I wanted us to all experience this moment together. The moment when we first saw their darling faces. The moment I had dreamed about so often.I could not wake them and I could not stand to wait. I decided I would only glance at the medicals and make sure things looked okay. Every thing looked wonderful and I was so surprised by their birth weights and height. I was told to expect little babies, but these babies were bigger then any of my bio kids. I could no longer stand it and I had to see them . I will never forget that moment lying in bed at 1:30 in the morning and seeing their faces for the first time. The emotions absolutely overwhelmed me. I felt such pride and love and happiness all at once. I could not have personally picked 2 children more suited for us. One look and I knew I had found my children. All the way around the world. Our destiny!! I knew we had finally found our way to each other. It was a miracle. A true miracle .

All of you who are waiting just have faith that your children or child meant for you will find their way home to you. Do not question the process, Just have faith!!

Here's our handsome guy!!

Here is our little Princess!!!

Some of you not familiar with the adoption world might wonder why I am only posting bits and pieces of my children. No it is not to keep them all to myself. No it is not to keep you in suspense. It is because by Vietnamese law they are not officially my children until the Giving and Receiving ceremony in Vietnam.This is a public blog and anybody could happen upon them (Vietnamese government officials) and to post them here could endanger my adoption. No matter how connected I feel to them and no matter how much I want to brag, I need to follow the rules. Once I am in Vietnam I can post all the pictures I want. You will be so sick of seeing them.

I have identified your children!!

“We plan our lives according to a dream that came to us in our childhood, and we find that life alters our plans. And yet, at the end, from a rare height, we also see that our dream was our fate. It's just that providence had other ideas as to how we would get there. Destiny plans a different route, or turns the dream around, as if it were a riddle, and fulfills the dream in ways we couldn't have expected.”-Ben Okri



On June 5th we got a call from JJH saying she had identified our children. WHAT??? Just out of the blue. We had been playing phone tag for a week, but we thought it was just paperwork related. She actually got my Hubby first at work and he didn't even listen to an info he just said we got to call my wife and hung up. When she said those words it was magical. She told me they were a boy and girl born in Lang son on March 29 and both relinquished shortly after birth. I started crying and shaking. Jenny said she was waiting on one more piece of paper before she could give actual referral.

When I called Hubby to tell him he actually left a meeting. He never does this. You should have seen us. Like first time parents. She could not share much info but we savored every bit of it.

Well I gave up on blogging for a while because I was so busy with all this adoption stuff. Now I am back since we are more settled in the process.

Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us. -- Thomas L. Holdcroft

I feel really ground down right now. I feel like every time I turn around something is stopping this adoption from moving forward. I can not even seem to get to the home study visits.

First it was the typhoon that hit Vietnam in Da Nang and damaged the Red Cross Orphanage. I just have this feeling that is where my children are and I am so afraid this will some how delay things. Not to mention, I was a terrible mess and could not sleep worrying about the people and children of Vietnam. I was relieved to know all the children are safe but my heart is torn out knowing that the little they had is destroyed.

Next morning I wake to the message that CASI in Maryland (my home study agency) has decided to shut its doors for financial reasons. WHAT???? Luckily our social worker is great and convinced her old agency to take on her clients. Tell me this does not have the stink of DELAY written all over it!!

On Oct 15th contact social worker to see what delay is with paperwork (MD social worker can not schedule meeting with you until all paperwork is in hand). I thought we would be done with the Home study visits by this point.

I am trying to stay the course but feel so out of control and defeated sometimes.