"Take an action each day that alleviates suffering in the world. Bring light into darkness."
-Angeles Arrien

Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished:
If you're alive, it isn't.
--- Richard Bach

I have come to realize more and more that the greatest disease and the greatest suffering is to be unwanted, unloved, uncared for, to be shunned by everybody, to be just nobody [to no one]
--Mother Teresa

We were not separated at your birth.
It was the moment at which we began our journey toward each other
-Nancy McGuire Roche

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

We have come a long way!!!

Well, I made it through the night. DH had to fly to Texas yesterday and will be gone until tonight. DH has traveled about 3 or 4 (A few of those trips for 3-5 nights) times since we got the twins. Those nights did not go very well. So bad in fact he had to stop taking contracts that required any travel or overnight stays. I am used to taking care of the kids by myself most days from wake up to between 9pm-1am (My Husbands schedule is not predictable). I am not thrilled to have to do it all by myself but what's a girl to do? Anyway there is something different about him not being home at all even if it is only for a few hours at night. As I have said before Khai is DH sleep buddy. He has serious sleep issues. I was pleasantly surprised last night. He let his big Sissy rock him to sleep around 11:30 PM and went to sleep in her bed with her until 5:ooAm. He didn't even cry he just wandered into my bedroom at 5:00 looking for Mommy (Didn't even ask for Daddy). We went and changed his diaper and got a full bottle. He wanted to stay downstairs and sleep in the chair and watch TV (like his Daddy does) but I told him we had to go back to bed. He went back to bed, snuggled with me and fell back to sleep until 9:30 am.

Now this is the same kid who 6 months ago would wake up 8-10 times a night screaming bloody murder and would fight you when you tried to comfort him. I literally had knots in my stomach when bedtime would come around; it was such an unpleasant experience. He would hit, scream, push away, arch his back and fight sleep to all ends. It broke my heart every time. I felt like my own child hated me. I know he didn't and it is common for adopted children to have sleep issues but it is still so hard for a Mother to not take this personally. No matter how much you read, until it is actually staring you in the face you don't know how your going to react or feel. I wanted to be able to comfort my child and it killed me that he would not accept that comfort. It turns out a lot of babies who came out of Khai's same orphanage had severe sleep issues just like him. Weird Huh?? The kicker with Khai was these issues lasted for over a year in some shape or form. It also didn't help that we were dealing with two babies and that is exhausting just by itself. Now Meliah is the exact opposite. She is velcro baby. There is no problem comforting her but she must be held at all times. She must be touching me the whole time she sleeps. If almost as if she thinks I am going to disappear if she does not keep her eye on me. Now imagine trying to get these exact opposite personalities to sleep at the same time. Somebodys not going to be happy.

It was so great to have him just lay down and willingly snuggle with his Mama this time. I have waited so long for this.We have come a long way!!!

P.S. DH ended up being gone 4 days.

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