Babies 2nd Birthday; My thoughts

We celebrated the twins second birthday; I cannot believe my babies are two years old. Where does the time go? How come the 18 months of adoption hell dragged on like slow motion but the 17 months they have been with us has flown by lightning speed? I really am not ready for it to be moving so fast. Every day I have them is a joy and I just want to savor it. What did I ever do to deserve such a gift?

Lots of things run through my mind on this special day. This is the second birthday I have been blessed to spend with them. They are two special souls that entered my life in a very unique way. When I look at Meliah and Khai there is no doubt in my mind they were put here on this earth to be mine; we were destined to be together. It scares me sometimes to think about if we had not found each other. I often think about what if I had done something different during the adoption process. What if I had gone with the first agency I had originally signed with that worked in a different province? What if I had not chose to have major elective surgery that delayed my second home study visit? The day I contacted my second agency Meliah and Khai were In Vietnam waiting to age in; waiting for me. I did not expect twins but my coordinator told me about two eight week old babies who needed a home. I could have chose to wait for a toddler and baby but the minute she mentioned these twins I knew it was destiny and they were meant to be mine. It terrifies me to think if I had made that call one month later.

So far their birthdays have been a bittersweet day for me. I find myself being happy and sad all at once. I never expected to feel this way. I am happy because it is the joyous day they were born into his world but sad because it is not a day that I can look back and remember two years ago. There are so many things I do not know about the day Meliah and Khai were born. So many stories I will never be able to share with them. So many things I ache to know and so many firsts I wish I had been there to witness. I often wonder what time they were born; it bothers me that I do not know which of my children is older. This is a day they share with their birth mothers and I would never begrudge them those short special moments but if I am 100 % honest with myself I must admit that I am jealous of these moments and memories their birth mothers share with them today that I am not a part of. It surprises me I feel this way but I must be honest. I will always be indebted to their birth mothers and will always think of them on this special day. They have given me a gift more precious than I could have ever hoped for and I will always be grateful for that. I hope they are at peace on this day and the memories they have of Meliah and Khais birth will always be a treasured gift.

This reminds me of a topic lately on one of the blogs I read. It was a discussion about if and how you celebrate your adoptive children referral and giving and receiving day. I was surprised to read how many AP who do not celebrate or do not want to make a big out of these days mostly because of their bio kids. I cannot agree with this. One of the reasons I will always celebrate and make a big deal out of the babies referral and especially G and R day is because that is OUR official “birthday” together. That feels to me like their day of birth. That is the first day I laid eyes on them, held them and the day they were “born” into our family. It is a day of pure joy for me. It is all the first moments that we will forever share. It is a day to tell all the stories of our firsts .I cannot give them these things on the actual day of their birth but I can give it to them on the day they were finally “born” to us. It will always be a very special day worth celebrating to me. I don’t think my bio kids would ever want to take that away from us or them.