Daughter, More Picures

"They say God's timing is perfect, never early, never late."

We found out yesterday their is an issue with our paperwork. It is on Vietnam's end not our agency. A lot of finger pointing is going on in Vietnam and WC is trying to handle the situation delicately because they have to allow them to save face. Nothing is wrong, It is just a filing error that effects dates ( Yuck didn't want to hear that!!). JJH is trying to get a current update on timing so she can get us over there(Yeah!!). She is working on it and I feel a little better knowing the problem has been identified. JJH was very apologetic and sweet (As usual). That's all for now that we know.

It was really weird. Right now I am being taught a humongous lesson in patience. I am really working on it. I know life hands us lessons and we can choose how to take them. So I am going shopping today and what do I pass. A huge sign that says "Be patient, God's timing is perfect. Never early, Never late." Wow!! So I go on about my day pondering this. Then what do you think happens? I never listen to the radio but this day I have no kids and my Husband left his Sirius receiver (Love that Sirius) in my car. So I tune it to the coffee shop channel and what is playing but some song about us trusting that God's timing is perfect. Huh!! WOW!!

Waiting is one of the hardest things for some of us to do (ME!!). I need to trust that for some reason we are meant to wait just a little bit longer. I might never find out the reason why but I have to have faith that the timing will be right. No matter how much I want this it is not meant to be right at this moment. Never early, Never late, Just right!!! WOW, This really is a tough lesson.

P.S. Did you see my last post with my beautiful children's updated pictures? Do you see now why this lesson is so hard?? Who could wait to kiss those cheeks????

Our Daughter - September 7th- 23 wks old

Still no smile but she likes to stick her tongue out. Look at those cheeks.
Look Mom ,I told you it would grow back. Just not as thick or as dark.
Here I am with my tongue out again and my serious "I am going to cure cancer" look.

Her hand appears so small next to her caregivers.

Our Son- September 7th- 23 wks old

How could a foot be this beautiful?
See that perfect little mouth?










Cheeks to match his sisters. Do I glimpse a smile starting?





















Look at those eyes. Mesmerizing!!!

You can get out the tissues, or you can see that you hold your child in your heart and she is indeed finding/has found you.

Waiting For The Call

I have (on the occasion few)

Spent languid moments focusing

On one infernal bane of lift

The phone that simply will not ring!

As icy glare I cast its way

And on its silence pondering

I put my present life "on hold"

Just waiting for the phone to ring.

Oh hideous friend! \Your silence screams

And in its lack of thundering

My ears strain ever harder for

The music of your precious ring.

In China far my babe awaits

I'll fly to her on silvered wing

The minute that I get the call

Oh God! Why won't the damned thing ring?

And now again I go to bed

Yet even in my sleep I cling

To hope that I'll be waked tonight

When at long last, the phone will ring.

-Debbie Bodie

"Be assured that if God waits longer than you wish, it is only to make the blessing all the more precious."

You are precious enough. Please, Please, no more WAITING!!!

"All children behave as well as they are treated" - anon

“If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.”

There have been two G&R ceremonies in the past month and nobody thought to take pictures for us waiting parents. It has been over a month since I have seen my children. Our last set of pictures were at the end of July. I do not know how much they have grown or how they have changed. Did my daughters beautiful dark hair grow back? Did my sons cheeks fill out more? Has my Daughter decided it's time to show Mommy her beautiful smile? Don't they know that we live for these things? That this is pure torture to a Mother.


I did not expect in the month of September to be thinking about these things. I expected to be home from Vietnam and loving my new children. I expected to be heading into fall,my favorite time of year, with my new children at my side. To have no worries and the bright future ahead of us. No more lost time to make up for. No more missing precious moments of their lives. I expected to wake up and be able to look into their smiles faces for the rest of my days. I did not expect to be still WAITING!!!

For finding you mother,
There's one certain test.
You must look for the creature
Who loves you the best.
--- David Kirk (Little Miss Spider)

How Could You Know?

As you lay sleeping far away as still as you could be...
How could you know the joy today this photo brings to me?

A few short weeks and you'll be mine, and "I" will soon be "We".
How could you know the love I feel? It's something you can't see.

So have sweet dreams, my precious babe. Sleep well and tenderly.
Some say that you're the lucky one. How could you know it's me?
--- Kris Laughlin

The Babies turned 5 months old yesturday. I looked up online what milestones they should be reaching. They now offically know their names (Which we are changing) and are attached to their caregiver. (Which they are leaving). They can give their first Hugs and Kisses. Mommy wanted those. It is so hard missing all these firsts. It is so hard thinking of them hugging and kissing someone they think is Mommy. When I am here wanting nothing more then those hugs and kisses.


Your 5-month-old's development:


Highlights

Homing in on sounds

A growing range of emotions

Remember, your baby is an individual




Your baby now realizes where sounds come from, and he'll turn quickly toward a new one. One of the easiest ways to engage him is to jingle a set of keys. Wind chimes are great attention-getters, too.Your baby may now be able to recognize his own name and understand that you're speaking to him when you say it. You may notice that your little one turns his head when you call him or talk about him with others.If you want to engage and entertain your baby, all you need to do is talk to him. At this age, babies don't learn language from the television or radio, so turn them off and use real dialogue instead.


A growing range of emotions

Your baby can't express his emotions in the same complex way that you can. Although he can let you know in clear ways when he's angry, bored, or happy, his ability to show love and humor are just developing.Your baby also shows a strong attachment to you by raising his arms when he wants to be picked up and by crying when you leave the room. He may also give you hugs and kisses.And he's beginning to get the joke — he'll laugh at funny expressions and try to make you laugh, too. Keep the laughter flowing with your silly faces!

Delayed and I don't know WHY ???

To my babies,

Mommy is so sorry she will not be with you this time around. It devastates me to not be able to be with you. I am not sure WHY we have to wait a little longer. “Everything happens for a reason. Always remember that whats meant to be will always find a way to come about.” I promise you we are meant to be and our time will come very soon.


It has been 12 weeks since I was blessed with becoming the Mother of beautiful Twins.
12 weeks since I was blessed with you.
12 weeks since my heart was stolen and stopped.
12 weeks since I have been able to breath.
12 weeks counting every second of everyday.
12 weeks of time seeming to stand still.
12 weeks waiting to smell you.
12 weeks waiting to count your fingers and toes.
12 weeks waiting to blow raspberries on your tummies.
12 weeks since I saw your smile for the first time.
12 weeks since my life changed forever.

I know you are waiting patiently. Please give me the patience to wait patiently along with you. Love, Mommy




"I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child,I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night."

--- Unknown

CONGRATULATIONS, Patty!!

Patty - I am so glad that Cupcake does not have to live another day without her family. Go get your girl and get those sunglasses on those poor baby eyes. Be strong. I know in my heart everything is going to work out. You are meant to be together. You did not give birth to her but she was made for you. You were born to be her Mother. You were chosen for a reason. Always remember that. You are a very special person.



I know God won't give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish he didn't trust me so much---
Mother Teresa

CONGRATULATIONS, Stacey!!

Stacey is my cyber friend I met while waiting to get my children. I have also been blessed to meet Kim and Patty. Our children were all born within weeks of each other in a little rural province in the mountains called Lang son. Their children are in the same orphanage as my children in Lang son. Our children have spent the last almost 5 months of their lives as close as any we call family could be. These children have endured much in their short lives. More then we will ever know. But they will all be blessed soon to have Stacey ,Patty and Kim as their mothers. I know in my heart this will make up for all they have endured. Our Children have been fortunate enough to have their paths intertwined for all eternity as I have been fortunate to have mine intertwined with these great women.

Patty, Stacey and Kim- I want to Thank all 3 of you for being there for me when no one else was. For understanding my joy and my sadness. For helping me endure this insane process we call international adoption. For reminding me of what waits at the end of this long Journey. For helping me get through every day of this LONG wait to travel. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Stacey- You go get your little one. Every day she waits for her Mommy is one day too many. I am so happy for your family.

Remember we are now intertwined. The 3 of us will be right behind you.

To my Babies

Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously
My own.
Never forget
For a single minute:
You didn't grow under my heart
But in it.
--Fleur Conkling Heyliger

Taken from The Poem Different and the Same

What's Different:
With bio kids: You're pregnant. You look like hell. You can't remember what your feet look like. Your ankles are the size of telephone polls. Your close friends lie and tell you that you look radiant. You don't.

With adoption: You look like hell. When you were pregnant you knew where your baby was. You knew she was safe, and warm and fed. This time your child is out there somewhere. And you can't sleep as a result. Instead of sleeping, you pray that she stays safe until you get there. No one tells you, you look radiant. You don't.

What's the same: The LOVE. It is identical, even if it forms in a different way. The amount of love, the strength of it, the depth of it, all the measures of it are identical.


By Cindy (aka Jaclyn's mom)


.

Oh Little One

Oh little one, where ever you are,
Near to our hearts yet distant so far.

Have you already a birthday? I wonder each night,
Or have you yet to experience that journey of might.

We’ve waited so long to share our blessings with you,
Our hearts ache with joy of the thought coming true.

I want you to know how excited we are,
To meet you and love you; our precious little star.

Thrilled of the thoughts of watching you grow,
Teaching and learning from each other you know.

Please never forget this one promise to you,
We’ll always be your parents and unconditionally love you.

Debbie Hutson

Patience

Here is a little something I found that explains how I am feeling and what I am going through right now.




Waiting for something is an inherent part of human nature. It is something that you have had to deal with ever since you first came into this world.

An infant waits to be held, fed, changed
A student waits for recess, lunch, summer vacation
An adult waits for payday, vacation, promotion

The above list is obviously just a small sampling of what we have all had to wait for during our lives. However, as adoptive parents or parents-to-be, our patience has faced a new challenge.

When a woman becomes pregnant, we all know that the 'wait' for birth is roughly 9 months. Sure, there can be complications or circumstances where the timing might change, and the child might be born sooner or later than this time frame, but for the vast majority of pregnancies, the parents-to-be have a general idea of when to expect the child to enter their lives. You can pretty much schedule your vacation around it.

Adoption is different.

With adoption, you are at the mercy of others from the very moment that you request the application from your chosen agency. You are forced to rely upon their response time processing your request, as well as the time that it takes to get their approval back to your mailbox. Next, you must weave your way through a mound of paperwork, resulting in more challenging waiting periods involving social workers, local, state, and government officials, as well as the Chinese government.

And when you have finally completed all of the required paperwork, the real wait begins.

There is little that can be said to you during this part of the wait that will make the waiting any easier. In contrast, what is said to you can -and usually does- add to the pain of the wait itself. "When will you get a picture?", "When will you know?", "Where is she?", etc. While most of the comments are meant in good faith, the bottom line answer to all of these questions is: you just don't know! You can narrow things down by selecting a waiting child, but you will still be unable to answer the "but when will you travel to bring your child home?" question.

So much is out of our hands as adoptive-parents-in-waiting, and yet we all strive to have some sort of feeling that we are in control. It is this struggle for control that often drives us crazy while we wait.

The last thing that you want to hear is someone saying to you, "The wait will be more than worth it!". In fact, you sometimes want to hit the next person that says that to you. However, this is one statement that can actually help you survive the waiting, but only if you allow it to.

Having been through two adoptions, I can definitely say that once we received our child's picture, the memories of the paperchase and any delays that we had faced quickly vanished. They were replaced by thoughts of joy, of amazement, and of anticipation for the journey of a lifetime!

You will have packing lists to consider, as well as arranging time off from work, lining up someone to watch your house, mow the lawn, pick up the mail, etc. There will be care packages to send, along with announcements of your big news! There will be the search for new bills so that your money will be accepted. There will be checks and double-checks to ensure that you really will be able to recharge your camcorder and not burn up your hair dryer. There will be the mad dash to the department store exchanging clothing that you had picked up for your child because the child referred to you might not fit in what you had picked up. Do you have enough film/memory for the camera? Will everything fit inside of the suitcase? And so on.

A lot of this you can prepare ahead of time -at your own pace- which not only will give you something to do to pass the time, but also will leave you with less to fuss about once you receive your referral, and allow for more time sitting and staring at your child's photo.

Is the wait long? Yes. Is it difficult, emotionally? Definitely, as you will feel as if your emotions are on some wild ride at Disneyland. Can you make it to 'the call'? YES!

Referral day is an experience that is somewhat difficult to put into words. I felt somewhat giddy for our two referral days. Both times I was at work, and both times I was totally useless, just staring at the phone, waiting for the sound of music (phone ringing). And once I was on the phone, it was somewhat surreal, as I quickly jotted down all of the information that our agency was telling us. And then the picture ... wow! As if I wasn't already useless that day, following the call I didn't do a thing! I couldn't. It is hard to function when you are floating above the clouds!

Adoption is clearly a life-changing event, for both your child-to-be and YOU! And believe what you hear - the wait is far more than worth it!

So how can you find the patience to endure the seemingly endless wait? Keep a sense of humor. No, I am not talking about being a stand up comic or anything like that, but instead begin to look at life through your child-to-be's eyes. Think of what they will be seeing when they are with you. Think of the many new experiences that they will share with you. For example, while waiting for our first referral, I remember walking to the park each day while on my lunch break. I would sit on a park bench and just daydream into the future. When one day a butterfly was fluttering in front of me. I watched it go this way and that way, then back around again. Until finally it landed on a blade of grass in front of me. I laughed to myself as I wondered if that was exactly the blade that it had meant to land on, or if it was just faking it. It sat there for a minute, and then took off and fluttered back and forth across the grass to look for another landing spot.

Okay, call me crazy, but I was able to enjoy that little moment, and it helped to ease my mind so that I didn't constantly dwell on the wait. With each passing day I knew that we were one day closer!

If you sit and stare at a clock, an hour can seem a lifetime. However, if you instead occupy yourself with pleasant sights, sounds, smiles and laughter, you will be amazed at how quickly time will pass.

If you allow it to.

So be patient, look for a butterfly, and enjoy all that is around you. For the day is coming -soon- when your child will be there sharing it with you!

I promise!

Oh, and for what it's worth - you are closer to your child now than you were when you began reading this page ...

By Anonymous

Waiting from a Childs Eyes

I know how difficult it is for you while you wait for me,because I have been waiting, too.
I have waited to be held, to be fed, to be loved. I have found comfort in those who have been caring for me,and in those I have come to call my friend.


Do not feel saddened, for this is the only life that I have known. I have adapted. I know of no other way to spend my day. I am content, because I know not of what I might be missing.

As you await the sound of my laughter, I carry on, learning every day. From friends, and caretakers. Because I am not alone, I wait my turn, learning patience and enjoying every moment that comes my way.

Some friends are no longer here, so I make new friends. We keep each other company.

The day will come when your waiting will finally be over, as will mine. When that day arrives, my friends will need to make a new friend, as I will no longer be there. I will discover a life that I never knew existed. I might seem frightened at first, but once again I will quickly adapt and realize that my waiting to be held, to be fed, to be loved is over. I will be cared for like never before. I will learn so many new things.

I will have a forever family!

Until that day, I will be content to live the only life that I have known, and to spend time with my friends. Waiting ...

I will be here for you when your waiting has finally ended. You will hear my laughter and I will feel your loving touch. And we will both be content with the new life that we will share, together ...